Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
