dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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