I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
