woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
