I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
