:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
