he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
