I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
