I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
