is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
