The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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