Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
