end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
