his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
