I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
