I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
