As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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