brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
