Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize