is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The uberlube is also flammable
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
