I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
