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Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
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