Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
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She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
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I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.