yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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