at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek