The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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