therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
