i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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