I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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