He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
