i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
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I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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