Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
