no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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