Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
from now on my penis is your penis
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
