Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
