Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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