i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
