I accidentally had phone sex last night
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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