Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
what day is it and did you see me today?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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