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• (254): View more from Texas

  Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.

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• (518): View more from New York

  you're out of your mind

  (518): View more from New York

  you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear

  (518): View more from New York

  it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B

  Fav 13 3362 1535

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• (772): View more from Florida

  Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom

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• (909): View more from California

  You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.

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• (61): View more from Australia

  he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything

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• (631): View more from New York

  She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING

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• (631): View more from New York

  I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though

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