I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
