Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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