i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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