Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
