There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
