anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
