well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
