I hate your face
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
