my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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