Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
