He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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