brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
