I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
