Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My vagina is officially offended.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
