She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
