I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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