I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
