she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
