He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
