I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i dont even know how to be here
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just puked most of my soul out..
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