he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
